Sometimes I get to meditating on myself and thinking about all the things about myself I don’t especially like. I think about how things seem to be going and sometimes I don’t like that so much either. I feel rushed and harrassed at times and I worry I might not have enough time to finish what I am trying to do. Then, at other times, I feel other things I also don’t especially like feeling.
Then, there are so many things I just don’t understand. Why did I do what I just did? Why in the world did such-and-such have to happen to me? And sometimes I do understand, and that’s the problem. I understand a little bit too much, and I don’t always like what I understand.
Sometimes, I think to myself, how can God like me when at times I don’t even like my own self? I don’t always feel all that useful or able or smart or loveable or anything of value at all.
If I continue to meditate on myself and meditate on my “plight,” trying to figure out what I need to do to fix myself, I realize I am for sure heading for big trouble. Praise God, He shows me the trap before it’s too late. I begin to recall something very important. I begin to remember, the spirit of depression is down that road waiting patiently for me and cheering me on to come on down.
So I slam on the brakes as quickly as I can. Scr-ee-ee-ee-ch!
I decide, rather than meditating on myself, wouldn’t it be far better to meditate on the Word of God? That way, I am assured of a good outcome. I will get uplifted and energized. I will receive light and direction.
For You will light my lamp; the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. for by You I can run against a troop, by my God, I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him” (Psalm 18:28-30).
I must keep this in mind (as we all should): nothing on this earth (as it exists today) will ever be perfect, or perfectly clear, or easy all the time–not for me, not for you, not for anyone. We are all subject to disappointment and even discouragement at times. But there is a time coming when we will no longer have to experience such things.
So let’s hang in there in the meantime. Let’s not lose hope. We’ve come much too far to lose it now. And let’s not forget, God still love us, and He has already provided everything we need through Christ Jesus His Son and our Savior.